ARE you reading this on your phone at the gym, on a treadmill you waited 45 minutes for because the gym is packed with new year junkies?
Or, are you still nursing that hangover from three days ago?
Well, if you are neither, then you are probably like me: tired, light-in-the-wallet and three kilos heavier.
The new year was welcomed in style, with the usual glorious fireworks and neighbourhood arguments that the music was turned up too loud, but it was a fun party nonetheless.
Christmas was a bundle of joy, with way too much food, weird and wonderful gifts, and time spent with family.
Now, we have put away the slinky New Year’s Eve skirts, booked our hair appointments and started to cut out carbs.
It’s a new year and it’s a new me.
Well, not really.
My hair is a little grey from dealing with the usual family complaints and trying not to offend anyone and eating a bit of everything from everyone’s house.
And, you know, just generally dealing with people wears you down.
But hey, new year new me.
I could be the next Doctor Who.
Actually, nah, I’m not cool enough to pull off a fez.
I’m not one for setting new year’s resolutions, but back in the day, I totally was.
In my tweeny days, I’d got this gorgeous journal for Christmas.
The front cover had a little door, with these coloured gems inside.
It was the coolest journal ever and I kept all my tweeny-bopper secrets in it.
If my memory serves me well, the resolutions I wrote in that journal were to stop arguing with my dad and eat more healthily.
I think I should revisit those resolutions, because I am still an argumentative sod with a weakness and eternal craving for nugs and salty chips.
Some people are so good with sticking with their resolutions – they are super strict on themselves and lose weight, cleanse their skin of stress and dirt, and get fit.
I wish I was one of those people.
I’m terrible; my motivation to do stuff went out the window literally the moment my year 12 ATAR exams were done.
Now, I’m stuck in a never-ending cycle of ‘I feel fat, I should go to the gym, I’ll eat healthy; I’m too tired for the gym, gym sucks anyway, ooh cheeseburger, ah I feel fat.’
I’m my own worst nightmare, honestly.
But, for those of you who have the stamina to stick with your resolutions, I salute you.
I also hate you, but never mind that.
However, the new year is still an opportunity to embrace new changes, so here’s a few things I’m going to try.
Back posture – I have a mildly bad back, in that my lower and upper spine have a deeper curvature.
This means back pain is a bit worse for me, and my body hates me when I sit at my desk for more than five minutes.
So, goal #1: sit up straight.
Now, I’m trying to think of a bunch of other resolutions I really should keep, such as get off my butt and be more proactive about fitness, stop having so much screen time, and avoid the way home via McDonalds.
But, let’s be real, one resolution is hard enough to maintain, so I’m just gonna stick with the one.
Sit tall, shoulders back, head up.
Yeah, that’ll do for lazy old me this year.